wow so many things happened from my last post till now. with my prep results, theres no way i can dpa anymore lul, i couldn't even get an A for English i got freaking 69.6, i really disappointed myself wth my geog, ss, english and math marks. Even tho for ss i studied a chapter that didn't come out (prayforchloe2k15 thank you 4A4) i feel so regretful now because i did so surprisingly well for my sbq like really really well but for seq i got 3.5/15 ugh. And i failed geog, when i studied so hard for it and i was so confident to get an A for it so now my combined humanities mark is a just pass omg ew what even i just. 

I finally found a working music player for my blog too so im very happy hehe but all the music is korean sorry not sorry????? 

i just realised how extremely fantastic my brain is as literally picking apart a song, whenever im listening to something i could tell exactly what the person is singing, the bass lines, the harmonies everything. It was as if my brain would take the music and dismantle it in my brain as i listen to it. Its hella annoying but really insightful bc i love details and because my ears are so tuned to listening to everything i spot little 'easter eggs' in the music and i literally have an inside joke with myself!! lmao im so lame. I was so shocked when some of my friends had to go find lyrics (for english songs) when i literally could just tell everything apart im so strange lah. so this also means i can never stone and listen to music because i cant zone out with music, gears are forever turning in my head. its a blessing and a curse idk are "music analysts" a kind of career????

One thing that really attracted me to kpop is really the attention to detail and concepts of basically every single nitty gritty thing. Like how red velvet's concept is red=fun cute bubbly and velvet=classy mature image so when they release songs theres one cutesy one and one more serious one which is very well thought out and gives direction for the group. Also choreography is bomb, ive watched call me baby so many times that i dance it in my head hueheuehuehue. 

yeah idk im quite happy in my korean phase, i think im staying here for a long while (once u xiumin, you cant xium-out) 

oh yeah and im changing course, im going into arts business management in np now instead of psych in tp because i figured i cant live without music so might as well make a job out of it and study it right?? i read about it and it look pretty rad, it involves social psych which is my second fav form of psych so yayyy and "What’s more, if you have talent in dance, music, theatre or visual arts, you can apply for the Talent in the Arts Grant (TAG) – a special scheme that sponsors ABM students for lessons in these various art forms, in and outside of Singapore!" - quoted from np website under the abm thing. i dont have talent lah but with my choir experience i cn apply under that and continue singing hehehe its quite cool so why not man.

ok bye i need to get started on my stack of bio spa skill 3 worksheets (last ever SPA in term 3 i cant wait eh omg yessssss)

please enjoy the music even if you dont like kpop, majority of it is quite relaxing/emo the other half will make you want to dance

broke down while marking my own chemistry mcq. as i marked more answers wrong felt my already thinning resolve to get my shit together disintegrating. I know its too early to see my work paying off but really, some of these topics are stuff that i should know really well but yet I'm still the last in class for chemistry. how the actual hell did i make it into pure sciences. my only motivation to get into the A band classes was because i was scared of some people in the B band. other than that, i have no place in the pure sciences classes honestly, I'm so bad at it.

at times like this i really wonder why I'm in such a shity education system. if its making students demean themselves and get suicidal thoughts, I'm pretty sure its time for the ministry to wake up their idea

I'm tired I'm really really tired. i cant even stay up as late to finish my work or even study extra because i end up falling asleep on my table and upon waking up feeling groggy and my face hurting like crap bc of my spectacles.

wow i cant wait to pass O levels i cant even explain the urgency of me going into poly i find it so unreal that my time here is so short yet at the same time, even longer than primary school education.

Also I'm stepping down in 21 days and d-7 what to hecK. also cant believe the choir I've been building up for the past year will just be handed over to the next person just like that. I'm not concerned about the next batch screwing it up because i know for sure it'll be fine but, will they miss me? will what i have contributed be acknowledged whatsoever? I'm not sure, and i probably will never know but what i know is, the amount of tears and time put into it was so worth it. And i don't mind starting from scratch and building everything up again if i had to.

so i lost my diary zzz so I'm using my to-do list flippy thing but wth man how can i lose a diary.  going for night study tomorrow aka 6 hours of studying after school gg to my brain. then barker carnival on saturday morning and tuitions after that in the afternoon and maybe ill get sum food then mug in the library in the evening.

my class has been into the 5 love languages thing recently and i took the test (for like the 5th time) and surprise surprise my first love language is a tie of words and action. my last being quality time hahha when i told my friends that everyone wanted to throw their shoe at me. Its not that i don't treasure time spent but because I'm introverted by nature i actually get super tired sometimes just by being around people???? especially if we're walking around. I wouldn't mind it as much if we were super comfortable and we were talking rubbish at like starbucks but my mental image of spending time with someone is strangely me being high and social while feeling sosososo tired on the inside. this will sound completely alien to someone extroverted and i don't blame them. I too will not be able to grasp how extroverted people can "gain" energy from being with people all the time. I would really rather chill in the library by myself (depending idk) as i said there are many factors and i have my limit so yeah my worst score was quality time.

However you cant have words or actions without spending time with a person so eh hahaha

meh i felt a need to update this space idk why but it feels good to be able to type my feelings out again. i managed to type this in under 5 minutes so i should do this more often hurhur.

also my phone is officially losing it there are screws loose and it won't show me any notifications for my whatsapp or snap or insta like anything. so when i go in it keeps crashing and crashing bc theres too many messages wow!!!!

o shat my iron deficiency is getting worse lmao I'm already feeling light headed dfshljkzcfsdc okay great i should do my argumentative essay now bye

!!

so its currently like 12.30 am wow living life on the edge and yeah i haven't blogged in a long while and i actually shouldn't be doing it now because I'm trying to start on my literature graded thing but what the heck. sooooooo i ran for house comm (yes again lulzers) i don't know whether ill get the position i want (i didn't choose captain btw or treasurer omg haha) but hey if i make it to the house comm that'll be really cool, the experience was gr8 last year and i think it'll be even better if i do it with people from the same batch!!

oh yeah so cca fair comm yeh i was in that too and it wasn't that bad i mean all i was in charge of was the shirts which by now i have so much experience in already since choir so I was stressing or anything (that badly if anything) and the school made us sit in the hall while before the sec 4 2014 collected their results it was sooooo friggin nerve wrecking i almost died and they were weren't seeing them getting their results its just the overview of how the cohort did and all those briefing whiz and i thought i was going to die of nervousness sitting behind i kept clutching danisha's pinafore usfhdjkzcxmn i cant even imagine myself over there next year tbhhh (ill probably look back at this post and smile very stupidly at myself SO THANKS TO MYSELF FOR SURVIVING OS YOU DID IT MUACKS)

and I'm so ridiculously excited for poly life ermegerd psychology plssss and also exploring the fact that ill go into sports when I'm in poly I'm definitely not sticking with performing arts :) so many new experiences i literally cant wait to get out of school its unreal. GAH spazzing away about poly life nngffff I'm literally so motivated rn to get my shit together (including chinese which is like wut even) i just want to get the best i can so i can secure my spot in psychology i want it sososoosoooo bad and they're only taking in 50 students with a 9-pointer cut off point (its the lowest COP course in TP lul) i cant even I'm going to die from feels hehehe

ogey i should continue my essay much love muacks :):):):):))

sort of fresh start

realized how completely disgusting i was at blogging last year so deleted all my past posts. i just kept my most recent one plus the sports day one. I was initially going to create a new url and start afresh but i liked my format too much.

I was going to blog about intensives but i decided since I'm (sort of) starting a fresh, ill like to introduce myself.

Hi. My name is Chloe. I'm 15 this year and I've seemed to have lost myself.
Throughout my child-y years I've never been exposed to negativity, I grew up in Shanghai, China (wasn't born there mind you) and was educated in an international kindergarten/day care. My friends were of different races and backgrounds, my best friend at the time being korean (I'm being legit here, she's very nice). And being the goody goody I was (and still kinda am), i got low-key bullied. Now i don't remember much because my experience in China was so good but i remember people not letting me into their circle of friends because i didn't have some gaming card thing (i think it was yugioh idk) well lmao ok thats not really bullying but you have to understand, I grew up reading the disney princess and winnie the pooh magazines, playing winnie the pooh CD games (i still have it) and teletubbies. I was the epitome of innocent and guai honestly.

Then came K2 and Singapore. I flew back when i was 5. And i was not ready for the disgusting amount of negativity awaiting me in my last year of kindergarten. I went to a small one thats connected a church and because I just came back from China, i was hella fair and had this accent whenever i spoke be it Chinese or English. So naturally i was a target for bullying (or teasing i honestly don't know if what i remember is contorted whatever) sigh i just hated that year i cried a lot but surprisingly enough i was still quite confident. I was even chosen as the lead in the graduation play lmao. But i was very unhappy because i was a freaking caterpillar (yes that was the main role smh) and i wanted so badly to be the butterflies but nope i was the lead, i got most of the lines and showtime, but i didn't like it just because i was in a brown burrito thing. But i loved acting, i liked the feeling of being on stage. And with that kindergarten was over

Then came primary school. I had no problem getting in PL primary since my mum was an ex-student/teacher. I was never the popular one, i mean i looked absolutely stupid in primary school with my blue specs and no braces and lets not talk about my hair. And again being the goody goody i never used my phone in class, i never altered my pinafore, i never had ankle socks i basically followed all the rules. Now the stupid thing is, i had no more confidence. I didn't volunteer to become prefect even though i wanted so badly to be one. I didn't do things because i was so scared of people's opinions of me. I was basically this shy kid with a few good friends. I got bullied again really badly in P6, i got cyberbullied. I still haven't forgiven that girl but ironically enough i followed her on instagram (and she followed back ideky) but that literally absolutely crushed me. She said something about me being stupid (i really was quite dumb) and that i won't change. Ok i literally have enough of myself wallowing in my primary school life. But i have to say the Europe Trip and P5 year was the best memories of primary school.

Now secondary school. In sec 1 i was still this weird ass girl but i finally got my braces and got my black specs thank the cats but i was still super shy and had no intention of getting myself socially acceptable with other people haha but i had a very tight circle of friends so I'm super thankful for that.  But i soon realized its quite hard to go anywhere if you didn't connections with seniors and people from different classes so i started being more confident and yolo-ing everything in sec 2. I developed the mindset that people won't remember what happens to me in a few minutes so why not just do everything. I suddenly cant think of any examples to support my analogy but that really allied be to do a lot more than i would have felt comfortable to. I liked being involved in committees and basically anything that allowed me to plan so i joined the sports leader module, chew comm, choir exco and currently also in the cca fair exco :-) but i really regret not joining the musical when i was in sec 1 as then i was still super shy and didn't have the confidence to go and try out. And also the friends i had weren't the extremely outgoing type so that didn't help at the time ://

currently I'm quite happy with myself, quite as i have been through a lot of bs this year and yeah I'm just excited to take Os and get out of secondary school <3

:(

I'm so sososoosoo sad I'm going to miss the choir so much heck I'm going to miss being in a choir altogether.

It's nearing the end of the year and it's like only been 5 months that I've taken over and in another 9 months, I'm stepping down. yeah yeah 9 months is such a long time why am I so sentimental now. 

I've grown so so attached. I didn't even realise how much I've grown to love choir, it's insane. And me being me, I'm emotionally attached to my stationery goodness I don't want to know how I'm going to handle no more choir. 

Last month's practice we were having post-mortern for our recent choral competition ((3rd in category, 1st Singapore choir in terms of points; 82.25)) you know what let me just stray away for a while.

I almost was going to die on the seat on stage. Like since they called for the choir reps to stand at the side of the stage, I was literally literally shaking away. Like I was having muscle spasms in my legs that would not go away. I was so scared that it was super obvious and I'll get like a panic attack on stage or something so I shook away for 20 minutes standing at the side. And shook even more when I was sitting on stage waiting for the v v v slow MC to make his entrance again. I think the noise and chanting made it so much worse like i was shaking to the extent that my teeth were chattering and I couldn't stop. I think it got obvious after a while because the reps sitting beside me started looking my way as I tried to stop shaking. It was so horrible. 

But thankfully after waiting for like 20 minutes for the intros and some video it award ceremony started. One glance at my choir heads at the audience and I could tell they were dying too. So there were like 4 (?) categories in front of mine (A2- equal voices under 16) and my cat was the biggest aha. I wasn't even bothered by the bronze awardees, I knew PLOV was above that. So when they started calling the silvers, I was mentally steeling myself to accept anything. Keep in mind I was still uncontrollably shaking. I was like "please please not yet nononono nono" after the said the points for every awardee. I wanted the gold for the choir sosososoosooooo bad
then when she finally called out the first gold award (80+ points) i just closed my eyes and tried not to piss myself. because i really knew it was going to be PL and wows yes it was and i was still shaking when i was walking out i just prayed for my life that i won't trip and fall while walking up i would literally kill myself there and then. But i didn't thankfully and yay i managed to smile for the official photograph through the intense feels and anxiety wrecking my body (not being descriptive here at all aha)

Here's the photo wowee!!!

then after that Isabel Danisha and i were hyperventilating and randomly shrieking in Mr Ng's car like the girls we are like i couldn't even talk i just went here heee heee heee ahahah it was surreal. And when i got home i was so spent because of the anxiety and excitement i literally collapsed and woke up with a headache the next day, which was a monday.... yay

ok back to practice. so during the break of that that particular practice, i went to danisha and was like "i don't want to leave like time is passing so fast and i just want to stay and be here but we cant and I'm just going to miss them so much" and at that point i was literally already in tears and i did all that i could so that the rest of the choir won't see their sarcastic, annoying and joking president cry over leaving when its not even 2015 yet. Honestly, I've been scared of leaving ever since I've been installed and i keep bringing it up which scares me even more :(

Its just project after project, after founders day we have the combined performace with some Finnish choir then caroling at gardens by the bay!!!! i want to carol so bad omg i love it I'm so happy that we get to do it!!! then there choir camp, sec 4 farewell, exco sleepover (and camp planning), need to churn out the choir hoodie, camp shirts, choir boards (and section photos ugh SAM HELP). I'm really excited for the choir i love you guys like i treat y'all like my babies iM GOING TO MISS YALL EVEN THOUGH I HAVE LIKE 6 MORE MONTHS BUT I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH CAPS LOCK IS PROBABLY ANNOYING YOU NOW ok ill stop. so many love hearts for you guys 

I'm like some mum uh (・ω・)ノ

chew house

hey friends,

literally miss sports day so much omg :( i miss the main comm i miss the dance comm and i miss the cheer comm :(((

so if y'all don't know I'm the chew house treasurer (i don't even know how i got in hahhaha) and its been such a fun experience i don't mind doing it next year!! so main comm automatically gets channeled into dance comm and omg the dance is sosososososoooo good and I'm so proud of the dance comm but my fail heel stretch at the end doe (its really really funny you should watch it!!)

at first i though being the treasurer very slack but nonono its actually quite busy bc you have to collect receipts, make sure no one spends stuff unnecessarily, stay within budget and also you're like in charge of the money so you can't afford to lose it (i still have a bag of it hehe). when vanessa told me the budget burst way over i wanted to slap myself bc it was the day before sports day and we were going everywhere to find blue hairspray and blue face paint then apparently 3 sets of people bought a lot of hairspray but in the end me and mingfang calculated the budget and we were safe with 90 cents to spare wuu!! i almost got a heart attack it wasn't even funny ok.

I also met so many amazing people through the dance/main/cheer comm like elizabeth, sxnia (huhu), posbelinda, enaeji, angeline, salted coffee, nat, clarize, shalia, emma, si hui, leenprabh, vanessa(s), kym and so many others!! and i saw danisha almost everyday it was so crazy we even got smoothie king twice with each other (and prabhz) and gong cha once haha. And when we had to go to hougang stadium to do our full dress rehearsal, many things weren't firmed up yet and it was very stressful for the people who couldn't come for the earlier practices. non-choir days after school will feel empty now sed sed.

And the whole incident about somebody selling the chew comm shirt on carousell bothered me the whole week. Like why would someone from chew comm want to sell the shirt???? i mean who's going to wear it. "frozen movie elsa shirt" does not cut it ok :/ but because of that i got to know si hui who first posted the photo of that on twitter (just realized we didn't take a picture or talk during sports day oops)

on sports day itself we had to go to the stadium by 5 am and i was the earliest i reached at like 4.45am ahahha uhhh but it was cool to see the stadium empty but people were jogging around like what???? but we practiced our dance one final time and ironed out all the details and i felt so accomplished i was so happy eeee. but it didnt last long because i was pulled away by alisha to wait at the competitors stand for like an hour because i was in tag team ugh. tag team upper sec was the last event so after i swam i had to hurry change because immediately after that was already the cheer and dance competition and my hair was nasty and wet ew. but i somehow made it and chew was second to perform.

It was nerve-wrecking to watch archer dance first but after we went through the mass cheers i felt so pumped up like whee and i personally think the chew dance went so well and it was so coordinated like look at our circle like waaat. heart shape heart shape :) but at the end omg my heel stretch is literally the most hilarious thing on earth like i pulled my leg up too fast so i held it there for like 2 seconds then i fell backwards its so funny i think I've watched the video over 10 times just to see myself fall then start laughing. even though chew came in 3rd overall (but 2nd in secondary school yey!!) we still won the mass cheer/dance title that lee has been holding on for 5 years i almost started crying like omGGG!!!! yaaAAASS!!11!

i love wearing the chew skirt and comms shirt like yay i will treasure it always this sounds very cliche but its true :):) I will miss the sec 4s next year, I think they've put the most effort in the comm and they really have done a lot of chew house many tear such deep I know I know. I will definitely try out for dance comm next year, not main comm though bc I already did it this year and I'll surely get hate if I do hurhur. I miss you all :( let's have a second sports day please :(:(:( I also miss pewpew crey I'm getting sad this I'm not ok

If you have the overwhelming urge to see the chew dance video or laugh at me falling down you can always ask me to whatsapp it to you I like to spread the joy because you can't not laugh at me it's just hahahah :) 

once again, I love you chew comm 2014 <3 

stay freshggshhsshgshajk