realized how completely disgusting i was at blogging last year so deleted all my past posts. i just kept my most recent one plus the sports day one. I was initially going to create a new url and start afresh but i liked my format too much.
I was going to blog about intensives but i decided since I'm (sort of) starting a fresh, ill like to introduce myself.
Hi. My name is Chloe. I'm 15 this year and I've seemed to have lost myself.
Throughout my child-y years I've never been exposed to negativity, I grew up in Shanghai, China (wasn't born there mind you) and was educated in an international kindergarten/day care. My friends were of different races and backgrounds, my best friend at the time being korean (I'm being legit here, she's very nice). And being the goody goody I was (and still kinda am), i got low-key bullied. Now i don't remember much because my experience in China was so good but i remember people not letting me into their circle of friends because i didn't have some gaming card thing (i think it was yugioh idk) well lmao ok thats not really bullying but you have to understand, I grew up reading the disney princess and winnie the pooh magazines, playing winnie the pooh CD games (i still have it) and teletubbies. I was the epitome of innocent and guai honestly.
Then came K2 and Singapore. I flew back when i was 5. And i was not ready for the disgusting amount of negativity awaiting me in my last year of kindergarten. I went to a small one thats connected a church and because I just came back from China, i was hella fair and had this accent whenever i spoke be it Chinese or English. So naturally i was a target for bullying (or teasing i honestly don't know if what i remember is contorted whatever) sigh i just hated that year i cried a lot but surprisingly enough i was still quite confident. I was even chosen as the lead in the graduation play lmao. But i was very unhappy because i was a freaking caterpillar (yes that was the main role smh) and i wanted so badly to be the butterflies but nope i was the lead, i got most of the lines and showtime, but i didn't like it just because i was in a brown burrito thing. But i loved acting, i liked the feeling of being on stage. And with that kindergarten was over
Then came primary school. I had no problem getting in PL primary since my mum was an ex-student/teacher. I was never the popular one, i mean i looked absolutely stupid in primary school with my blue specs and no braces and lets not talk about my hair. And again being the goody goody i never used my phone in class, i never altered my pinafore, i never had ankle socks i basically followed all the rules. Now the stupid thing is, i had no more confidence. I didn't volunteer to become prefect even though i wanted so badly to be one. I didn't do things because i was so scared of people's opinions of me. I was basically this shy kid with a few good friends. I got bullied again really badly in P6, i got cyberbullied. I still haven't forgiven that girl but ironically enough i followed her on instagram (and she followed back ideky) but that literally absolutely crushed me. She said something about me being stupid (i really was quite dumb) and that i won't change. Ok i literally have enough of myself wallowing in my primary school life. But i have to say the Europe Trip and P5 year was the best memories of primary school.
Now secondary school. In sec 1 i was still this weird ass girl but i finally got my braces and got my black specs thank the cats but i was still super shy and had no intention of getting myself socially acceptable with other people haha but i had a very tight circle of friends so I'm super thankful for that. But i soon realized its quite hard to go anywhere if you didn't connections with seniors and people from different classes so i started being more confident and yolo-ing everything in sec 2. I developed the mindset that people won't remember what happens to me in a few minutes so why not just do everything. I suddenly cant think of any examples to support my analogy but that really allied be to do a lot more than i would have felt comfortable to. I liked being involved in committees and basically anything that allowed me to plan so i joined the sports leader module, chew comm, choir exco and currently also in the cca fair exco :-) but i really regret not joining the musical when i was in sec 1 as then i was still super shy and didn't have the confidence to go and try out. And also the friends i had weren't the extremely outgoing type so that didn't help at the time ://
currently I'm quite happy with myself, quite as i have been through a lot of bs this year and yeah I'm just excited to take Os and get out of secondary school <3
No comments:
Post a Comment