broke down while marking my own chemistry mcq. as i marked more answers wrong felt my already thinning resolve to get my shit together disintegrating. I know its too early to see my work paying off but really, some of these topics are stuff that i should know really well but yet I'm still the last in class for chemistry. how the actual hell did i make it into pure sciences. my only motivation to get into the A band classes was because i was scared of some people in the B band. other than that, i have no place in the pure sciences classes honestly, I'm so bad at it.

at times like this i really wonder why I'm in such a shity education system. if its making students demean themselves and get suicidal thoughts, I'm pretty sure its time for the ministry to wake up their idea

I'm tired I'm really really tired. i cant even stay up as late to finish my work or even study extra because i end up falling asleep on my table and upon waking up feeling groggy and my face hurting like crap bc of my spectacles.

wow i cant wait to pass O levels i cant even explain the urgency of me going into poly i find it so unreal that my time here is so short yet at the same time, even longer than primary school education.

Also I'm stepping down in 21 days and d-7 what to hecK. also cant believe the choir I've been building up for the past year will just be handed over to the next person just like that. I'm not concerned about the next batch screwing it up because i know for sure it'll be fine but, will they miss me? will what i have contributed be acknowledged whatsoever? I'm not sure, and i probably will never know but what i know is, the amount of tears and time put into it was so worth it. And i don't mind starting from scratch and building everything up again if i had to.

so i lost my diary zzz so I'm using my to-do list flippy thing but wth man how can i lose a diary.  going for night study tomorrow aka 6 hours of studying after school gg to my brain. then barker carnival on saturday morning and tuitions after that in the afternoon and maybe ill get sum food then mug in the library in the evening.

my class has been into the 5 love languages thing recently and i took the test (for like the 5th time) and surprise surprise my first love language is a tie of words and action. my last being quality time hahha when i told my friends that everyone wanted to throw their shoe at me. Its not that i don't treasure time spent but because I'm introverted by nature i actually get super tired sometimes just by being around people???? especially if we're walking around. I wouldn't mind it as much if we were super comfortable and we were talking rubbish at like starbucks but my mental image of spending time with someone is strangely me being high and social while feeling sosososo tired on the inside. this will sound completely alien to someone extroverted and i don't blame them. I too will not be able to grasp how extroverted people can "gain" energy from being with people all the time. I would really rather chill in the library by myself (depending idk) as i said there are many factors and i have my limit so yeah my worst score was quality time.

However you cant have words or actions without spending time with a person so eh hahaha

meh i felt a need to update this space idk why but it feels good to be able to type my feelings out again. i managed to type this in under 5 minutes so i should do this more often hurhur.

also my phone is officially losing it there are screws loose and it won't show me any notifications for my whatsapp or snap or insta like anything. so when i go in it keeps crashing and crashing bc theres too many messages wow!!!!

o shat my iron deficiency is getting worse lmao I'm already feeling light headed dfshljkzcfsdc okay great i should do my argumentative essay now bye